what does the world want from me?!!
I'm feeling down now. I dont feel that I'm aisyah ong at all. I'm just empty inside. I try to search for me deep deep inside. But I've got nothing. I dont understand. What do my feelings need? I'm confused,tired,lost,crushed and losing hope on myself.
Is this what it feels like to be a girl whose preparing for her o levels,committing herself to drama even when she doesnt want to,try to pull the people together,confused of her own passion & future and studying her ass off everyday to obtain a promising future?
3 or so months without school has made me who I am now. Unprepared,scared and confused of the future. I did some reflections just now and I should just let go of the little/unimportant stuff. One of them is YOU(I'm sure some of you know who he is). I'm over-obsessive of you and that has made me lose touch of the reality. I blame myself. You're just a pretty boy.
Cried in drama today. I know what I'm doing is not good enough. Maybe what Jamie said is true- "you need to slowly pace yourself as you go along. you're rushing into things. being 100% committed and controlling their discipline all at one go is gonna kill you. you need to pace yourself and try to discipline them over the smaller things. the bigger things will take care of themselves. cheer up."
Let me tell all you future stage managers. Your job is gonna be tough and hard on you. I wanted things to go well on my first time as a stage manager,but only to realise that I need to have a strategy or else it will all fall apart. I had expected from myself too much only to realise that it all came crushing down at the end.
I'm even disappointed with the people knew that my best friend had past away months ago and didnt even try to tell me. You people had to tell me in the year where I have to give all my attention to my studies. First saddening thing was his death. Second saddening thing was that I was told months later. Third saddening thing was no one stopped him from those killers even when you knew about it. You people are murderers too.
So thats my post for today. I've got nothing more to say. I just wanna lie down,close my eyes and rest my mind and feelings.
Is this what it feels like to be a girl whose preparing for her o levels,committing herself to drama even when she doesnt want to,try to pull the people together,confused of her own passion & future and studying her ass off everyday to obtain a promising future?
3 or so months without school has made me who I am now. Unprepared,scared and confused of the future. I did some reflections just now and I should just let go of the little/unimportant stuff. One of them is YOU(I'm sure some of you know who he is). I'm over-obsessive of you and that has made me lose touch of the reality. I blame myself. You're just a pretty boy.
Cried in drama today. I know what I'm doing is not good enough. Maybe what Jamie said is true- "you need to slowly pace yourself as you go along. you're rushing into things. being 100% committed and controlling their discipline all at one go is gonna kill you. you need to pace yourself and try to discipline them over the smaller things. the bigger things will take care of themselves. cheer up."
Let me tell all you future stage managers. Your job is gonna be tough and hard on you. I wanted things to go well on my first time as a stage manager,but only to realise that I need to have a strategy or else it will all fall apart. I had expected from myself too much only to realise that it all came crushing down at the end.
I'm even disappointed with the people knew that my best friend had past away months ago and didnt even try to tell me. You people had to tell me in the year where I have to give all my attention to my studies. First saddening thing was his death. Second saddening thing was that I was told months later. Third saddening thing was no one stopped him from those killers even when you knew about it. You people are murderers too.
So thats my post for today. I've got nothing more to say. I just wanna lie down,close my eyes and rest my mind and feelings.
posted by aisyah at
8:15 PM
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