just my emotionally boring life
This entry gonna be really boring and emotional. Read at your own risk.
Today was Drama's SYF competition. I have been looking forward to this day months ago. I was hoping to minus the fights,gossips and some other bullshit that Drama had done to me and that I had to go through.
Months ago,I just couldnt wait to be free of the rehearsals and tired-ness of the acting. I couldnt wait to leave(with or without a word) and get my life back on track. I went berserk just getting everyone together til to the point where I have lost my passion for acting and Drama.
The commintment is still there,no worries. The critical point is losing the passion. The feeling of acting. I always loved acting. It let me escapes into a different world or person.
I still went on with my job as a stage manager and an actor,most people know about whats going on in my life. But one thing that they dont know,is that I have no more passion. Sure I do mention it to some,but they take it as just no more.
Moving on to today..
I was happy that this day has arrived. Everything's still the same except that they know how to behave and pick up instructions quickly. Acting was good. We did our best. I'm proud of them.
All of a sudden,I feel like turning back time and cherishing the moments I had with them. I start to get the feeling that I've lost something close to my heart that I know I should never let go.
I start to feel EMPTY literally. It feels like I've lost something and it cannot be replaced. And what is that? The moments I had with Drama. As the lights dim and the curtains close,I start to get flashbacks on the rehearsals and gossips that I've heard about me. Then I look around at the faces of my fellow actors,I'll miss them.
Only then I started to feel the passion come alive again. But its too damn late. Only then I started to feel motivated. But its all pointless now.
Took the bus back to school and on the way,tears started to form. I had to hold it back. I'm not sure why but I'm not gonna cry in front of them. Told An and he said that its about time I get those tears out since I've held back one too many tears ever since the actual rehearsals started.
And guess what? I'm crying right now......
I guess I should stop here. I cant go on anymore. I need a break to get myself together. To an(farhan),thanks for the shoulder. Sorry I wet your shirt. HAHA. I love you bro. I really appreciate it.
Today was Drama's SYF competition. I have been looking forward to this day months ago. I was hoping to minus the fights,gossips and some other bullshit that Drama had done to me and that I had to go through.
Months ago,I just couldnt wait to be free of the rehearsals and tired-ness of the acting. I couldnt wait to leave(with or without a word) and get my life back on track. I went berserk just getting everyone together til to the point where I have lost my passion for acting and Drama.
The commintment is still there,no worries. The critical point is losing the passion. The feeling of acting. I always loved acting. It let me escapes into a different world or person.
I still went on with my job as a stage manager and an actor,most people know about whats going on in my life. But one thing that they dont know,is that I have no more passion. Sure I do mention it to some,but they take it as just no more.
Moving on to today..
I was happy that this day has arrived. Everything's still the same except that they know how to behave and pick up instructions quickly. Acting was good. We did our best. I'm proud of them.
All of a sudden,I feel like turning back time and cherishing the moments I had with them. I start to get the feeling that I've lost something close to my heart that I know I should never let go.
I start to feel EMPTY literally. It feels like I've lost something and it cannot be replaced. And what is that? The moments I had with Drama. As the lights dim and the curtains close,I start to get flashbacks on the rehearsals and gossips that I've heard about me. Then I look around at the faces of my fellow actors,I'll miss them.
Only then I started to feel the passion come alive again. But its too damn late. Only then I started to feel motivated. But its all pointless now.
Took the bus back to school and on the way,tears started to form. I had to hold it back. I'm not sure why but I'm not gonna cry in front of them. Told An and he said that its about time I get those tears out since I've held back one too many tears ever since the actual rehearsals started.
And guess what? I'm crying right now......
I guess I should stop here. I cant go on anymore. I need a break to get myself together. To an(farhan),thanks for the shoulder. Sorry I wet your shirt. HAHA. I love you bro. I really appreciate it.
posted by aisyah at
6:16 PM
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